Tagged: mcgwire

Today In Completely Fictional News

It seems as though the Mark McGwire’s admission to using steroids has had an impact on more than just the game of baseball.  The confession is also starting to bring about change in the arts.  Both the literary and music industries were rocked by accusations and denials but in the end both of their histories will have to be rewritten.

Just as McGwire, Bonds, and Clemens will take the fall in the major leagues, William S. Burroughs, Jack Kerouac, and Ken Kesey will be taking the same fall in the world of literature.  Although all three are now deceased, authors and writing associations all over the world are trying to distance themselves from what many consider to be a complete debaucle.  Apparently, the three “Beat Generation” writers used Performance Enhancing Drugs such as alcohol, opiates, and LSD.  These drugs are thought to have enhanced each author’s style of writing to an extent that brought them both fame and fortune.burroughslp.jpg  The ramifications of these accusations will indeed change the way these men are thought of for generations to come.  William S. Burroughs’ Harvard Degree has been revoked as a punishment for what the University feels was, “unfair to other authors who did not use mind altering drugs (MAD) to enhance their written works.”  Similarily, Jack Kerouac will face consequences.  He will no longer be allowed to be referred to as the “King of the Beats.”  Despite his influential work in the literary world, Kerouac has been demoted to “Baron of the Beats.”  Ken Kesey, best known for his novel, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, is suffering the consequences of his own MAD usage.  All five of the Acadamy awards that the movie based on the aforementioned book will be taken away.  Members of the Academy could not be reached for comment.

Unfortunately, the world of music has also been found to have been overrun with MADs.  Several musicians are under the scrutinizing thumb of anti-PED and anti-MAD executives.  Toby Keith has admitted that he, “smoked weed with Willie Nelson once but that he will never do it again.”  We don’t know if charges will be pressed in his ongoing investigation.

Former lead singer for the Doors, Jim Morrison, was posthumously given the 2007 Grammy Award for Lifetime Achievement.  It is now being taken away because news has broken that Mr. Morrison was using MADs such as  LSD, cocaine, and marijuana.  Doors keyboardist, Ray Manzarek, has denied any knowledge of Morrison’s MAD use.  “Sure, Jim acted strange sometimes but nobody really knew what was going on.  It’s not like he was using MADs backstage or anything,” Manzarek was quoted as saying.cypressHill.jpg

The only other musical entity to take a hit in this matter so far is Cypress Hill.  The #19 that they achieved on the Billboard Charts will be taken away and erased from the record.  According to inustry officials, it was found that, “their lyrics were laden with references to cannabis.”  Executives from their record label, Ruffhouse Records, are denying any knowledge of wrongdoing on the part of the band.

It seems as though the use of PEDs and MADs is prevalent in all of the entertainment industries.  We can only hope that more people come forward with their admissions and come clean. 

 

 

 

 

Baseball Immortality and Infamy

It is the time of year that we think of who will be enshrined in the Hall of Fame.  It is also the time of year when we start thinking of the nominees who are not considered worthy of the Hall.  I have always been a fan of Mark McGwire and believe that he should be voted into the Hall.  However, as my cousin very rightly reminds me, that opens the door for others like Sammy Sosa when he reaches his eligibility in a few years.  I guess that would also open the door up to Rafael Palmeiro who, we all can remember, pounded his fist and said very definitively that he did not use PEDs.  Of course, we found out later that he did.
If you look at the all time homerun leader list you will see that nine of the top 20 are not in the HOF.  Those nine are comprised of McGwire, Sosa, Palmeiro, Bonds, Thomas, Thome, Ramirez, A-Rod, and Griffey Jr.  Aside from McGwire, the rest are either still playing or have not reached their eligibility year yet.  Another commonality is that each of these players has over 500 homeruns.
Ignoring performance enhancing drugs, I don’t think that there is anyone who would deny entry into the Hall of Fame to any of these nine players.  However, we know that at least six of these guys in all likelihood have used steroids.  I don’t think that I have heard any link of steroids to Frank Thomas and Jim Thome and I am pretty darn certain that Junior has never touched the stuff.  Does that mean that the rest don’t make it to enshrinement?  Does that mean that the Hall will be missing players like Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez?  If Big Mac doesn’t make it in then I don’t see how the rest will be voted in.
Besides Big Mac’s alleged use of PEDs, people will point to his batting average as an excuse not to let him in.  People will do the same with Sosa.  Those people should take a look at Hall of Famers like Reggie Jackson and Harmon Killebrew. 
We can all be reasonably, if not totally, sure that Big Mac, Slammin’ Sammy, Palmeiro, Bonds, A-Rod, and Manny have at the very least dabbled in PEDs.  The question is: will this prevent the all-time homerun leader from getting enshrined?  One day A-Rod will probably break Bonds’s record.  Will this mean that the two top homerun hitters ever will be excluded from the Hall of Fame?
Everyone knows that steroids are bad.  Everybody knows that a large percentage of baseball players have used.  However, the players in question (aside from Manny, who actually got suspended) didn’t break any laws or even any rules of the game.  All of the positive tests and accusations have taken place before there was a ban or any punishments put in place.  Instead of pointing fingers and placing blame, we should accept that this is an indictment on baseball in general.
I say’ “LET BIG MAC IN WITH HIS 583 DONGS.  LET SLAMMIN’ SAMMY SAY AN ACCEPTANCE SPEECH IN SPANISH JUST IN CASE HE FORGETS HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH AGAIN.  LET OUR ALL-TIME HOMERUN LEADERS HAVE THEIR DAY IN THE SUN.”  These are the guys that I grew up with.  I will always remember the race between McGwire and Sosa and all of the excitement that surrounded it.  Nobody can say that these were not great ballplayers who dominated the major leagues for years.  Let the Hall of Fame celebrate the greatest ballplayers of our game.
I LOVE BASEBALL.