Tagged: mcgwire
Today In Completely Fictional News
It seems as though the Mark McGwire’s admission to using steroids has had an impact on more than just the game of baseball. The confession is also starting to bring about change in the arts. Both the literary and music industries were rocked by accusations and denials but in the end both of their histories will have to be rewritten.
Just as McGwire, Bonds, and Clemens will take the fall in the major leagues, William S. Burroughs, Jack Kerouac, and Ken Kesey will be taking the same fall in the world of literature. Although all three are now deceased, authors and writing associations all over the world are trying to distance themselves from what many consider to be a complete debaucle. Apparently, the three “Beat Generation” writers used Performance Enhancing Drugs such as alcohol, opiates, and LSD. These drugs are thought to have enhanced each author’s style of writing to an extent that brought them both fame and fortune. The ramifications of these accusations will indeed change the way these men are thought of for generations to come. William S. Burroughs’ Harvard Degree has been revoked as a punishment for what the University feels was, “unfair to other authors who did not use mind altering drugs (MAD) to enhance their written works.” Similarily, Jack Kerouac will face consequences. He will no longer be allowed to be referred to as the “King of the Beats.” Despite his influential work in the literary world, Kerouac has been demoted to “Baron of the Beats.” Ken Kesey, best known for his novel, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, is suffering the consequences of his own MAD usage. All five of the Acadamy awards that the movie based on the aforementioned book will be taken away. Members of the Academy could not be reached for comment.
Unfortunately, the world of music has also been found to have been overrun with MADs. Several musicians are under the scrutinizing thumb of anti-PED and anti-MAD executives. Toby Keith has admitted that he, “smoked weed with Willie Nelson once but that he will never do it again.” We don’t know if charges will be pressed in his ongoing investigation.
Former lead singer for the Doors, Jim Morrison, was posthumously given the 2007 Grammy Award for Lifetime Achievement. It is now being taken away because news has broken that Mr. Morrison was using MADs such as LSD, cocaine, and marijuana. Doors keyboardist, Ray Manzarek, has denied any knowledge of Morrison’s MAD use. “Sure, Jim acted strange sometimes but nobody really knew what was going on. It’s not like he was using MADs backstage or anything,” Manzarek was quoted as saying.
The only other musical entity to take a hit in this matter so far is Cypress Hill. The #19 that they achieved on the Billboard Charts will be taken away and erased from the record. According to inustry officials, it was found that, “their lyrics were laden with references to cannabis.” Executives from their record label, Ruffhouse Records, are denying any knowledge of wrongdoing on the part of the band.
It seems as though the use of PEDs and MADs is prevalent in all of the entertainment industries. We can only hope that more people come forward with their admissions and come clean.